Reality

I lie awake, dreaming
reaching out for neverland
touching the untouchables
thinking the impossibles
feeling the rhythm within

I fly away, falling
glancing at contentment
holding onto the moment
smiling at the memories
breathing all the verve

I aim high, failing
leaving the weaknesses
stretching out far away
counting the instances
blinking at the reverie

I see far, blinding
looking for the calmness
weeping beside the crowd
gazing out at the stars
cornering my silent self


27th June'10 8:53pm

the voice

I am the voice of the past
a malady, screaming in aghast

I am the voice of the dark
a radiance, dimming the spark

I am the voice of the silence
a turmoil, hiding the absence

I am the voice of the hope
a failure, hard to grope

I am the voice of the light
a shade, in the distant sight

I am the voice of the pain
a delight, cheering the vain

I am the voice of the weak
a muscle, flexing as I speak

I am the voice of the smile
a whimper, tasting the vile

I am the voice of the shadow
a crystal, veiling the hollow



19th June'10 3:35 am

I'll never think

I'll never think of love
still far away from the above
fallen very deep,lost its way
silent to the world, there it lay

I'll never think of pain
life can't be the same again
away from the mass, the corner
waiting for the dark, the sooner

I'll never think of light
blinding my path yet so bright
weak with each beam, the shade
as time pass by and gone, I fade

I'll never think of you
the one I wonder I never knew
hidden away and broken, the end
will rise never again, I pretend

I'll never think of me
never knew how that would be
moments all aimless, gone astray
still hanging there, in replay



26th April'10 9:40 am

depart

shriveling leaves and dry air
a thin and weak brown layer
fading with the passing time
a respect earned in sublime

a frail agony for despair
moments of solace somewhere
gazing at the distant light
piercing through the dim night

the latent vigor hidden deep
a silent sob they all weep
their crazy shriek soundless
covered in a ragged dress

a wishing prayer of pleasure
beyond something to measure
with feeble clasped hands
they wash away with the sands



10th April'10 2 am

I am not

I am not a bird, but I fly
reach the sky up and high
wind in my wings, sun in my eyes
all my earthly wishes in disguise

I am not a princess, but I sway
walk with a prince miles away
a palace, a garden, a king, a queen
all running in my majestic gene

I am not a celebrity, but I wave
attention, clicks and claps I crave
masked behind the illusory glamor
all in a motion and flashy armor

I am not a success, but I aim
aspire for the fame and a name
fancying the glinting treasures
all a frenzy of bliss and pleasures

I am not the one, but I count
place where everything surmount
warmed within the fond clutch
all in the feeling of thy touch


4th April'10 2:41 pm

I am colours

I am the yellow ball
beaming under its rays
pretty pictures I scrawl
smiling through its ways

I am the red spice
blazing up and flaring
cursing all the vice
not the bit caring

I am the green meadow
wider at the edges
sparkling out the window
fresh as the new hedges

I am the blue hue
skulking at the face
all the drops of the dew
losing all its trace

I am the white prayer
showered with peace
in the pious layer
composing my caprice

I am the black light
cornered till the end
struggling in this fight
another moment to spend


27th March'10 10:08 pm

my wall

another brick in my wall
one that is never to fall
enfolded inside it safely
I mumble a prayer faintly

cant seem to see a ray
counting every passing day
while the memories linger
I am a voiceless singer

cornered in the far end
mistakes needed to amend
reality gild with fallacy
I sadly plead for mercy

and as the wall grows
simmering down the echoes
with darkness so close
I count the brick rows...


2nd Feb'10 12:30am

castles in the sky

I build castles in the sky
with my weary wings I fly
portraying a hazy dream
I feel its cozy beam

I long to see some light
that sparkles up my night
waiting in the murky spots
I count time as it rots

I fancy a gleaming star
that shines way too far
seeking solace in hate
I distrust this fate

I sketch and embrace
those emotions I erase
holding a life and a lie
I build castles in the sky


25th Jan'10 11:45pm

emotions

sitting in the corner
I gaze at the blankness
holding myself firmer
I am a silent witness
your cruelness I endure
still torments its way
your hate so pure
finally threw me away...

clenching my fist
overwhelmed with wrath
a silent prayer I hissed
a prayer for a path
something to avenge
and make you burn
longing for a revenge
I await your return...

fighting with emotions
I take in the pains
can't find the reasons
can't remove the stains
what I feel is pleasure
a peace deep within
something to treasure
yet nothing to begin...



5th Nov'09 1pm

what is life?

Once again the unanswered question – what is life? The other day I witnessed the death of a life in front of my eyes. An elderly woman breathed her last while I was in the adjacent bed attending to my own mother in the hospital. I saw her daughter wait for a sign of life in the dead soul, praying, reluctant to let go yet. When the waiting ended I heard her piercing cry, the extreme agony of losing her loved one, fulminating at the very thought of death. I was appalled and my mother silent with the thought that she too was aging. In a few minutes the mayhem was over, there was an eerie calmness in the room.

So, what is life? Is it the benediction of being alive or the perseverance of fighting it? Religious views define life as a test. We are to be judged according to our patience to uphold the callous faces of reality as life brings them upon us. We are not to recriminate our Creator whatsoever and accept his decisions complacently. But is this enough to control our livid selves? For that the Creator gave us an important solution – time. Time finally heals everything. With time we laugh, with time we cry, with time we forget. We stand on our feet after a stumble, only to live to stumble again. We were innate with such features with remnants of scars to commemorate.

So maybe I will be haunted by that day’s excruciating encounter with the departure of a valued soul from the face of the earth and maybe sooner or later I will be in the picture myself with my loved ones departing, I can only hope that time will be my incentive and allay my worries and make me strong to confront yet some more novel challenges that life brings on. Therefore the answer maybe that life is the perseverance of fighting it to relish the benediction of living it.




3rd December'08 at 8:28 am

it was all you

it was about how you feel
your promises, your deal
your vows, your choice
your screaming voice...

it was your time
your song, your rhyme
your picture, your mind
your time to rewind...

it was your night
your wish, your light
your right, your chance
your unkind romance...

it was all your story
your love, your glory
your smiles, your fun
your time to run...

she didn't finish

She thought over it again. Yes..she didn't finish it...she had so much to tell him. When he asked what she loved about him, she was very shy enough and got over with the question just by saying 'everything'. Now she thought again...she didn't say what was the 'everything'.

Then she spoke to him. She said him everything...all that was in her heart for him. 'I love the way you love me. I love the way you say small caring things all of a sudden and make my heartbeat stop for a while...you take my breath away. The way you make me blush. The way u said 'I wanna be with you' in your half asleep tone..you made me speechless. I love your voice. I hear it when I'm there waiting for you to call...I hear it all day...ringing in my ears. I love the way I wait for your call. The waiting is painful but still I enjoy it. I love the way I get sad when you hang up the phone...you had a funny comment for it, that I get busy to say bye haha! But I never told you I feel so bad to say bye...so bad. I never told you how much I miss you...how much I wait for the phone to ring. I love what we have between us. I bet no one has it or ever will. I never told you how much I love you...

She opened her eyes. He wasn't there. She was alone in her dark room...sitting at the same place and in the same position on her bed she used to sit while talking to him. In a second she snapped back to reality...tears rolled down her eyes...she couldn't breath...he took her breath away...and he is gone.

She thought over it again...and said him everything...only this time she thought of it in past tense...'I loved the way you loved me... I loved the way you said... You never gave me the chance to say how much I love you...'



13th August'09 10:26 am

kobe

ami shopno dekhi
oi dure dariye tumi
ami kobita likhi
tomay na pawa niye

ami haat-chani diye daki
tomay dekhar ashay
tumi diye gele faki
amay rekhe opekkhay

ami khuji ajo ondhokare
tomar alo'r abha
ajo achi boddhoghore
tomar prarthonar pathe

ami kaan pete thaki
kobe shunbo shei artonad
ami din gune rakhi
kobe ashbe tumi,hay mrittu?



28th June'09 9:18 pm

mistake

you were my best part
once a piece of my heart
you were my sunny day
beside you I lay

you brought out my smile
when we chatted a while
you erased my teardrop
raised me to the top

you wreathed my love
prayed to the one above
you felt my weakness
filled up this blankness

you were my best mistake
the pains I had to take
you were near yet far
my eyes now a blur

you were just a memory
one that was heavenly
you were just a dream
a dimly lit beam...


9th June'09 7:43 pm

what's this life for?

winter's not my season
summer has its reasons
monsoon washes it away
spring makes me sway

mornings are tiresome
noons pass in lonesome
evenings go in laziness
nights bring my craziness

days are countless
weeks stray aimless
months follow a routine
years slither unseen


30th May'09 4:22 pm

a daughter's confession

‘Why don’t I have a better mother? Rita’s and Sam’s mothers are so much fun. I wish my mother was like them. Why can’t I be proud of my mother?’ – these words kicking in Nyla’s mind as she spent the rest of the day locked up in her room, angry, hurt and embarrassed. Reminiscing all the gibes people threw at her mother for her callow and obtuse behaviours, Nyla silently screamed her livid throes and wept herself to sleep.

Her mother knocks at her door incessantly, shouting, ‘Nyla open the door! You are too much…where are you learning all these bad manners from? I know who taught you to be rude…your friends and cousins and Aunts (and she mentions anyone Nyla knows)…you are such a wretched child why don’t you just die…or just leave…I didn’t like it when you were born…I wanted a boy…Now you are here to eat my heart out’….and the tantrum goes on. Nyla silently listens, trying her patience, thinking of any penance to feel sorry for her contrite birth.

Nyla opens the door, fulminated and marred at her mother’s callous candor, and screams her part of the story and shuts the door again devoured in her recluse self…and this continues…once in a while...no…maybe quite often.

‘I should have been patient. I shouldn’t have lost my temper on her. She’s my mother and I should have silently listened to what she says even though it hurt me. When others mocked at you I should have laughed at it as a joke. You didn’t have to be a ‘fun’ mother. You could have just been there beside me’ – these words kicking in Nyla’s mind today as she spent the rest of the day locked up in her room, gloomy, hurt and repentant. Reminiscing the unpleasant rows with her mother, Nyla silently wept herself to sleep… her mother’s photo in her hand.


11th May'09 7:15 pm

a pious profanity

I hear the glib
buzzing in my head
odious deadpan visions
all addled and unsaid

a charade of dancing dolls
imbibed with fiendish minds
shrieking dirty bedlams
and the callousness unwinds

I see the futility
all in this obtuse game
ephemeral moments of joy
fighting to rid the blame

concessions etched in time
and a numb rage annealed
under the rile arcane
of an abyss left unhealed

I sense the quip
slashing in the silence
lost in a defile recluse
delving for livid vengeance

in a diaphanous skulk
with a saturnine patience
I perk my blatant litany
to the deity in the distance...



7th May'09 3:30 pm

I'm nowhere

I'm in the centre
clearly out of focus
they scream, they whisper
I scream unheard, unseen
bruised and cornered

I'm in the dark
shutting the lights out
looking ahead and I blink
quite dazed and hazed
and silently I absorb

I'm in the rain
taking in its tears
sadly soaked and dripping
feeling the cold drops
taking it all inside

I'm in the fog
searching my way out
being fooled at every step
finally I realise and sigh
I'm once again...nowhere


4th May'09 6:10 pm

a tear

I keep you a secret
need you for my peace
and I don't regret
the lessons you teach

when things go wrong
and I'm all down
you come as a song
holding me in your gown

sometimes you go dry
my senses all choked
then I wonder why
this life has joked

praying in my darkness
I long for your bliss
wash away my stress
in one silent hiss

you drop down my cheek
showing the hidden fear
as loudly as you speak
you are my precious tear



30th April'09 1:45 am

I'm not what I was..I'm what I will be

I'm not what I was
filled with those tiny awes
everything so new
why is the sky so blue?
I laughed, I cried
innocently I replied
I played, I got hurt
yet didn't lose the effort
my dreams, my little wishes
and visions of witches
my happy self, my small life
free of all the strife...

I'm what I will be
filled with something shabby
everything so weak
why is the air so bleak?
I breathe, I sigh
innocently I cry
I'm hurt, I'm played
yet time doesn't fade
my pains, my broken dreams
and nightmarish themes
my numb self, my silent straws
free of all that I was...



27th April'09 10:07 pm

sorry

sorry I didn't spell it out
didn't know you had doubt
thought I was transparent
my feelings apparent...

sorry I didn't express
but you never pressed
felt that you knew
the picture I drew...

sorry I cared this much
but you never felt as such
sang a song all along
the words all wrong...

sorry I dreamt of you
didn't know you had no clue
forever holding hands
all lost in the sands...

sorry I felt very weak
didn't know you would freak
wanted you very close
but distance you chose...

sorry I wanted you dearly
didn't know you weren't ready
kept you in my heart
and slowly we drew apart...

sorry I had to leave
didn't know you won't believe
all the seconds I waited
has now turned to hatred...


20th February'09 10:30 pm

fallen

since I have fallen
my thoughts wonder away
dreams dance in an array
I doodle in my mind
your warmth I find
I feel your embrace
lifting my face
your sparkling eyes
defies all lies
our silence is amorous
rapt with vehemence
I see your colours
showering on me
your blissful smile
soothens all the while
mesmerizes me
rejuvenates me
sets me free
I hear your whispers
even in the din
leading me on
my troubles now gone
this time I'm sure
I'm only yours
and just when I knew
I have fallen for you...



10th February'09 6:11 pm

vote vote!

vote esheche deshe
vote diben heshe
awami league naki bnp
ebar hobe kon mp?

line hobe shokale
firbo bari bikele
marbo seal kontay
dhane na noukay?

korbo na ar vul
nebo na miththe ful
shoibo na durniti
manbo na ar karo kukirti

amar vote ami debo
dekhe shune bujhe debo
korbo rokkha desh ke
bachbo matha uchu kore



28th December'09 5:59 pm

boredom

I sit here n there
n think its not fair..
I tap the table
whistle when im able..
I scratch my head
n the night's dead..
I let my mind flow
n feel the winds blow..
I stare left n right
watch the screen so white..
I search for a plan
on whatever i can..
I stroll the room
n smell the perfume..
I look out the window
thought i saw a shadow..
I tour the sky
n gave it a try..
I count the stars
n look for mars..
I gave it all up
n filled a cup..
I turned on the record
n it all felt discord..
I seem so walled
n somehow enthralled..
I hear the clock tick
n maybe im a hick..
I wonder how
n what to do now..
I believe its a bore
n something to abhor..


29th October'08 at 2:19 am

losing you

then he returns
and it burns
old hopes once again
same old bargain
what to do?
haven't got a clue
my heart sinks
looking for a link
we laugh, we smile
together we walk a mile
missed him a while
it all feels senile
stuck in a past
wished it was the last
but alls the same
who do i blame?
him or me?
looking for a key
something to heal
this thing i feel
it aches so hard
my thoughts all jarred
choking to the moment
taking in the torment
poisoned in the soul
myself i console
need to get a hold
have to be bold
and win my fights
brighten the nights
wish i could run
take it as a fun
but its frozen
shattered and broken
him i lose every second
and every second im weakened..



22 October'08 1:52 pm

i scream

something i dream
and inside i scream..
pains so deep
hard to keep
its all broken
wish i was a drunken
would have flied
since life had lied
thought i was strong
ended up wrong
wished i bled
or rather fled
in grief i sway
hopes far away
stand in the distance
stuck in this instance
smiles it lack
and still comes back
i dare not say
still want to stay
hold on to memories
cry out the worries
darkness so silent
life's evil client
a suppressed fright
in this dim night
in seconds i die
twisted knots i tie
the doors open
nothing yet spoken
my hands i lend
yet in the end
its the scream i dream
and the dream i scream..



21st October'08 8:56 pm

something has died

he senses the air
brushing off his hair
senses the light
so so bright
wished to rid of them all
wished to hide
this world so wide..
but something has died..

then comes the chills
he wishes for the warmth
an embrace may be
or a smile
how will the next day be?
the same he feels
life with its cruel deals
but something has died..

he wishes to speak
and no one seems to peek
no one bothers anymore
no one at the door
he stares at the floor
the walls are empty
his breath all stingy
betrayed and swayed
a life that has lied
but something has died..

none to share
none to care
his eyes all dry
dusnt even try
resting in hollow
wheres the sorrow
wheres the tomorrow
a life still cried
but something has died..



8th October'08 8:06 pm

opekkha

opekkha korche she
take daklo ke
jeno abar shunbe
shei protidhdhoni
ashbe shei poroshmoni
abar shunte chay shei bani..

ekhane okhane
jekhane shekhane
poth cheye boshe ache
oije ashche bujhi
gacher faak diye..

nishchup nirghum
nirmul shob bastota
tobu she oshthir
kichu asha shoshthir
raat ta boshe ache
ei bujhi din ashche..

been yours

been writing a song for you
its long been due
I feel encaged
my days all dazed
give me a smile
as long as a mile
whisper me those words
make me fly like birds

been writing a story
with all your glory
I'm lost without you
I'm all so blue
breathe for me once
I'd live for you twice
give me an end
there's a lot to lend

been writing a poem
been stuck at the proem
thinking of our past
didn't know it won't last
come brighten my day
your memories I dream
your name I scream...